Last night at Annex Theatre, I read my first original smut at Spin the Bottle. It was exhilarating, nervous-making, and tremendously wonderful. Bret Fetzer, producer, prompted me to write my story about Emerald City Comic Con (this weekend, in Seattle!). I was inspired by several things: a former raver roommate who would dress up as a Unicorn, the lack of lesbian sex in the smut I’d seen at StB, and threesomes.
As I began writing, a new story emerged that I hadn’t originally thought of. I’d love to share it with you all. Warning, it is graphic! Also, I will post photos of the event as soon as I can.
As John caressed Sherlock’s majestic cheekbone, he realized this was the only man he could ever love. “Your cheekbones could cut glass. Like a unicorn’s horn pierces the heart of its enemies.” Sherlock stared longingly into John’s visage with his chocolate brown eyes for a lingering moment as he whispered, “Oh Johnny, unicorns aren’t real, but I love you so much that I don’t care.” Then he smashed their lips together, letting their tongues dance about like epees.
I asked Billie what she thought of my story, and she said it was a rough start and that no one will even know what an epee is.
Billie tries, she does. She’s a good girlfriend. She tries hard to care about my attempts to write Sherlock erotica, but usually she’s really more concerned with the next time we can make it to Taco Tuesday and Comic Con. Billie is obsessed with the Emerald City Comic Con. The lines to get in are long but I go with her anyway because I love her so much. Means I had better enjoy it.
So when Billie was getting ready for the big weekend by wearing the costume of her most favorite character ever: the Tenth Doctor—yeah, I know, weird, right? Because her name is Billie. Like Billie Piper. You know, the first companion from the reboot. It’s all total coincidence. Billie didn’t join the show until 2005 so her parents must be like, psychic or something. I mean, Billie’s parents. Not the Mr. and Mrs. Piper. Well, they might be psychic too. You never know.
Billie and I were getting ready to go to Comic Con, her as the Tenth Doctor, and me dressed up as her companion. She said I didn’t have to go as Rose (indicating hair color), that I could choose to be any companion I want, or I could even be a sexy TARDIS. Except I couldn’t remember what the TARDIS is and if it can be sexy or not. Billie said I should try wearing a sparkly blue tank top and a hot mini skirt, except I don’t own a hot mini skirt and that just felt so Kappa Kappa Gamma, circa 2002. But I really wanted to make an effort into finding a really good costume for Comic Con because Billie made me a promise. If went to Comic Con, she would find me a Unicorn.
Spoiler: We found Her.
Oh, not a real unicorn. I mean, a Dan-Savage-defined-you’re-never-gonna-find-one-for-that-perfect-threesome-Unicorn. A beautiful, bisexual (well, in our case, lesbian), sexually liberated, young, single, well-adjusted woman who breezes into town for just the weekend and fucks the shit out of you and then departs into the mist, never to be seen again.